Lessons and Blessings and the Journey of Learning What I Did Not Know I Did Not Know

I am often found reflecting at wee hours of the day about the families I am working with or have worked with. You see, we do not know what we do not know. I do not know what I do not know and what I will learn next. I only know that I will continue to learn. I am committed to learn from each family I meet, from each class I can take, from each professional I collaborate with.

 

Often in my journey of learning, especially this year, I have found myself holding an emotional space with the thoughts of past families in this space with me, with the intention of sending an apology. These apologies are for not knowing "something" when they needed me to know it and I discovered one of those things I did not know that I did not know.  

 

Book learning only affords one so much. Clinical training with 99% "normal" does a really good job of teaching normal. It does not prep one really well for "abnormal". So, as I work with families that have fallen off normal sometimes I am sent turning over stones I have never turned over before, and sometimes that means families did not make it to where we all would have liked and we are left wondering why what I did know to be "true' did not work. After those moments I still continue to turn stones so that i can find that piece of information we needed. Sometimes I find it and know I found it and other times it comes to me unknowing in another class or article and a moment of reflection on a past scenario comes into light.  I hold that piece with the memory of the previous family as I move forward to another family. That might mean it is "too late" for someone and that someone previously felt let down but it also means because that someone taught me something it is not "too late" for the next family.

 

Encounters are lessons or blessings and sometimes we need lessons before we can give the blessings. To all the families *I* have been blessed to work with who have taught *me* my lessons, I will carry forth blessings to other families as I continue my work. I apologize to you for not knowing what I did not know and not having what I needed for you when you reached out to me but I can assure you that the experiences we shared are not wasted experiences.

 

I want my families to be aware that I hold on to you, your stories, your experiences, much much longer that you probably would have ever imagined.